On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
