He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
