My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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