can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
