dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
