Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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