he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
