I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This baby is an asshole
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
