I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
