i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
