Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
