Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My cat gives me a boner
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
