Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
