i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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