South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
