Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
