so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
