dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He passed out mid-signature
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
