I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Someone came in the potted fern
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
