That's intense
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
