all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
