I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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