Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
