I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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