I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
