I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
