He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
