my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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