We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
