I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
