Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
