Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
