well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
