So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
