Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
