i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
