I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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