I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
