Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
