...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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