john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
