i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
