So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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