It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
