either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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