In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
