I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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