Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
