dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
