my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
