it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
